17.03.08
Porridge?
It occurred to me that as my passport ran out over a year ago, and as I imagine it will soon be decreed that we should remove our own livers and send them to the Passport Agency as proof of who we are, or have a barcode tattooed on our arms, or something, I thought I’d better get it sorted.
Which, of course, means the dreaded “passport photo” ordeal.
Now, time was, a Photo-Me booth visit was pleasant and fun. You got four different poses, so at least one of them could be taken up by making silly faces/dragging six friends in with you/getting a pic of a big slobbery snog with your partner. Nowadays, you get three chances, but only one photo. And - and this is a big and - the Passport Agency now forbids smiling. Or, in my case, grinning like a fool, which is what instantly occurs when a camera lens is aimed my way.
“A neutral expression?” I wailed to R. “How the heck am I going to manage that?”
“Well”, he said, “what’s the most bland thing you can think of?”
“Porridge”, said I, confidently, and strolled into the glad bright morning.
Well, the resulting pictures emerged from the slot, and the look of abject horror on my face exactly matched that in the photos. A passer-by would have thought it a pretty good likeness, looking as I did like a woman who had just heard that a race of giant moths had been installed as our new overlords, the Civil Service having consequently been replaced by daddy-long-legs.
So I had another go. Second lot not too bad. I mean, I do look faintly shifty and a little like a woman trying very hard to suppress a daft grin and not to think about porridge, but at least I look human. Human-ish.
In other news - today is my birthday and I am not old. Oh no. Maturing like a good wine, that’s me. Yesterday was my birthday trip to Inverary, a visit to Inverary Jail and yummy food in the George - the weather was (and is) gorgeous, and I can’t think of a better life than the one I have now!
Ian said,
March 17, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Happy Birthday, Chuck! Course you’re not old! I know someone born around the same time as you - February 29, 1964 - and they’ve only just turned eleven! Where will you be going to secondary school?
Sophie said,
March 17, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Good God, don’t mention school. I still get the nightmares …!
Donna said,
March 17, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Now if someone said ‘Porridge’ to me, my first thought would be Fletch and Godpher, and giggles all round for the rest of the day!
As I passport is up to date I had to find other amusement. I had much fun, poking Scownley with a sharp stick! It was the issue last week about deafness and IVF, I made the fatal mistake of criticising S on his own blog. Forgot what a humourless soul he can be! You know I wouldn’t really tell the deaf people to kick the shit out of him …. would I?
Sophie said,
March 18, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Oh, I found out a long while back that Scownley hates to be disagreed with! Doesn’t mean it’s not fun, though
meredic said,
March 31, 2008 at 2:37 pm
hmm… so how come this picture isnt up there on the little flickr gadget yet?
Come on, scare the horses.
chloe said,
April 1, 2008 at 7:27 am
happy belated birthday Sophie. That was a hilarious post. Our passport agency does not allow smiling either and it never occurred to me to think of porridge. It’s a great idea!
When i asked the photographer “what should i think of?” he said “just look at me”. Ahem.
Sophie said,
April 1, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Meredic: the picture in question has been ceremonially destroyed!
Chloe: thank you! Was the photographer worth looking at?