“If you give me any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightie.”
Got a message today from a gentleman called Timothy. The first line read: “Got a dick like a shrimp”. I mean, really. Does Timothy genuinely think I’m going to read his undoubtedly fascinating and informative message when he doesn’t even know that a sentence such as that should have a question mark at the end? Honestly, standards are slipping terribly …
Or maybe it was a statement of fact rather than a question …
Finally got my poems typed up and bunged on here (under “Pages”). They’re not perfect yet, as some non-standard characters got lost in translation, but tweaking will be effected as soon as possible …
Still recovering from last night’s carryings-on - went to Bar Fringe for several cheeky shandies, then on to Night & Day to see a couple of bands - first off, The Answering Machine (can’t you just see that band-naming session - reminds me of the Fridge Magnets - i.e., get drunk, gaze around room, say what you see, end up playing eeny-meeny-miney-mo) - who are not too bad, followed by Cherry Ghost (not Cheery Ghost, as both Lisa and I seem unable to stop calling them), followed by a FOP (Falling Over Pissed) accident on a slippery floor (which was then made even slipperiererer by the copious quantities of blood that fell out of my elbow), followed by lots of sinful-type dancing, almost followed by a trip to Tiger Lounge (but we wimped out), followed by chips with yoghurt sauce and chilli sauce (we know how to live), followed by a bus home and lots of washing in order to try and remove bloodstains from almost everything I was wearing (including my trainers). And I ran into my nephew, Ben (whom, embarrassingly, I failed to recognise - it’s been a while) and I got a late birthday pressie - a T-shirt emblazoned with the very New Yorker cartoon which inspired this blog’s title! So, apart from having an extremely painful elbow, ’twas a good night all round. My liver may disagree with me, but it’s not old enough to vote, so who cares?
Had a very nice time on Saturday, thank y’all kindly - was taken out to Yakisoba, a newish Japanese restaurant on Barlow Moor Road (just opposite Chorlton Bus Station). Extremely yummy, especially the steamed mussels in garlic sauce, although somewhat noisy with two huge parties alongside us! Definitely one I can recommend - may well be visiting there again, especially as they do takeaway 
And happy birthday to me, as today I have reached the grand age of 42. Forty. Two. As a message on the side of the fridge (placed there by my beloved, unless the cats have developed a new skill) now states, “42 is the new 21″. Hmmmmm …
… he DID it! Go to www.shaggyblogstories.co.uk and buy the book 
Had a weird dream last night - weird only in its sheer ordinariness. So ordinary, in fact, that I woke up from it and spent a good half-hour fretting about having left my coat in a pub, with my keys in the pocket. Henceforth, this type of dream shall be referred to as a “drealm” - i.e., a dream with a big chunk of apparent reality in the middle of it, which will do nothing but confuse you for the rest of the day …. Grrrrr.
Here follows a (very) rough transcript of a Messenger conversation S. and I had t’other day:
Scott: There’s a film out about Jane Austen. Your sort of thing?
Me: Possibly, but I’d have to watch out for all the effing and blinding.
Scott: Personally, I think Bruce Willis was miscast in the role.
Me: It’s a little-known fact that Jane was frequently seen wearing a sweaty vest.
Scott: “Jane Eyre Dies Hard”!
Me: Pay attention! Charlotte Bronte wrote “Jane Eyre”. What you meant to say was “Pride and Extreme Prejudice” …
Scott: Damn. Yours was better.
Me: Often is!
Well, it cheers up one’s working day. Remember when the only excitement to be found in the office was all the different definitions of the word “fuck”, badly photocopied and passed from hand to hand? Eeee, it were all fields round ‘ere in them days …
A book of good stuff from blogs, produced in ONE week, in aid of Comic Relief? Blimey …
Anyway, follow this link and spread the word
Did you realise that the top line of the Qwerty keyboard contains all the letters necessary to spell “typewriter”? See, hang around here long enough and you learn stuff.
… with our new purchase. S and I decided to go mad and treat ourselves to a new kettle (I know. This is such gripping stuff), so we trolled along to Argos and were faced with pages and pages of what seemed like an endless variety of the damn things (no bells, but some did have whistles).
So what did we do? We bought the one that lights up in pretty colours, of course! (It also boils alarmingly fast, which makes a nice change …). I never claimed to be a grown-up